Lee song rim
Looking at it, gave me chills. This letter was the key to my future, the thing that told me what I would become… And if my father would still accept me as his son. This was that certain letter I have been waiting for months for. In fine print, it read: Oxford University. This was the acceptance letter to my dream (or father’s) college. I took a deep breath and opened the letter; slowly just incase it would say that I was rejected if I opened it to fast. Making sure that every corner was un-tattered, every edge smooth without a rip. I finally opened the envelope realizing that I was holding my breath. Hands shaking uncontrollably as if I was undergoing an earthquake, I took out the letter…

“Thank you Mr. Song Rim Lee, we are most pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Oxford University. We await your arrival and hope that you decide to join our campus. Please read the handbooks…”

I was accepted. I, Lee Song Rim was accepted into Oxford University! My heart was pounding so fast I was sure that everyone else in the house was able to hear it. All my blood in my body started rushing up towards my face. I couldn’t breath through all my overwhelming feelings. I rushed over to Song Ji hye, she was my one and only lover. But there was a catch…

She was our house servant, therefore; our relationship was held a secret. Father can never know, or else she and I would’ve been both dead. I ran to the servant headquarters with all the energy left in my body. Fortunately, no one else was in the room.
“Ji Hye! Ji Hye!” I called to her as if summoning a genie. My she looked beautiful, I picked her up by her waist and drew her close to me.

“What’s the rush Song Rim… someone might here you.” She said playfully as I drowned her with my kisses.

“It doesn’t matter anymore Ji hye! We are free now! I’ve gotten into Oxford! Oxford honey!” Ji hye jumped on me with joy covering me with her kisses. “Now father has to let us get married!” The moment I said those words, a look of despair overcast her eyes. She looked into mine so sadly: like a lost dog. Her lips lied perfectly with a smile, but her eyes told the truth. “What’s wrong Ji hye? Aren’t you happy?” I questioned her with worries filling over my joy.

“Its nothing…” she said as she looked away. I softly lifted her chin so that her eyes met mine.

“Trust me Ji Hye, I’ll take care of you.” She smiled softly and held me tight. But I honestly have to admit; I wasn’t too sure either. I was just hoping deep down in my heart. But of course, I knew. My father was not the type of man to sit still of hearing his so highly educated son marrying a house servant. That was beyond sensible to him. He expected me to go to Oxford and meet an acceptable young women that came from the “right” kind of family. To marry her and live a respectable life to keep the family name in pride. Love was nothing to him, it was all about the family name.

Several Days Later

"Song Rim! Don't you dare go looking for that servant girl! Look at what a fool you have become, chasing around pathetic servent girls! Your grandfather would laugh in his grave if he heard of this mockery! Mark my words young man, you will under no circumstances go looking, or even think of looking for Ji Hye. Is that understood?" My fathers voiced boomed throughout the room. His voice bouncing off of every wall surrounding me like a darkness. I was scared out of my mind of my father. But I wouldn't let my fear keep me from the women I loved. Not this time. Nothing could've stopped me now, not even my father.
"Father, with all due respect, I am in love with this women. You can do whatever you want to try and stop me, but I swear on my grandfathers grave that I shall find that girl and marry her. Whether you like it or not... You can do whatever you want Father, but theres no stopping me. Either way I am going to marry Ji hye, without your honor or not. It is yours to choose." Once I finished I couldn't even believe myself. Neither did the other servants in the room. They all looked at me with disbelief and fear. They must've though I lost my mind. But I didn't care, I was willing to go through anything to find the women I loved. My Father turned quiet, and there was a coldness in his eyes. He gave me a look that I had never seen in my life.

"Get out... You are no longer my son." He muttered silently as if telling a dark secret that noone knew about. I stood there for a moment unable to catch my breath..'was he serious?' "NOW!!" he bellowed out as his face turned into every shade of red possible. With that he fell onto the couch and held his head. All the servants rushed over to him to check up on him. With that, I left the room. Now, there was no turning back.

I had my suitcases packed with a solid rock in my heart sinking ever so deeply with each passing minute. My father had found out about my relations with Ji hye... Without sparing a breath he quickly shipped her back off to Korea. Hoping that I would give up and go on with my life without her... but he was wrong. And here I am now, with only the address of her parents home. There was even a chance she wouldn't be there. Questions raced through my mind: "what if she isn't there?" "what will i say?" "whould she come with me?" It was all such a blur, I just had to plunge into the risk.

I awaited for the boat at the shore for just a couple of minutes, after packing in all my belongings into the cargo area I found myself a comfortable room. I was informed that the trip would take almost a month to a month and a half depending on the weather. Through the course of my trip I was only full with the thoughts of failure... Failure to find her, failure to be with her, failure to lose her... My mind was racing at the moment we arrived.

I quickly started my adventure to find where the address I had been given as her parents home was located. I was informed that it was in the next city of where I had landed. I ventured for a week looking for this address. Longing to see my Ji hye, I never lost hope. Then one day, I finally found the address.

Standing there for what could've been atleast an hour. I sucked in all the courage and strength that was left in me. I knocked on the door silently three times. The whole time sucking in my breath, my heart pounding like a drum, the pulse of my blood rushing in my ear.

"Who is it?" a fimiliar voice called out. Oh my, it mustve been Ji hye... It had to be her! I could never forget that sweet honey rich voice of hers... I found that my voice was lost...I was unable to even utter a word. "Hello?"

"Ji..hye..." I finally stuttered out with a moments hesitation. She was silent. The door opened and she stepped out.

"Song Rim..." She opened her mouth but she said no other word.

"Oh I've missed you!" I finally said and held her close into my arms.

After a meet with her parents we finally were approved of marriage and went back home, where we got married under the honor of my Father. I don't know what had gotten to him, but he had given us his honor at the last moment. We had a happy family with seven beautiful children and we lived happily ever after.

Peer Response – 1st read-through:

1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not?
MackieH: I would definately let the story teller live.

2. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?)
The plot is not very original. It is the typical battle for the acceptance of a parent and falling in love. I would try to steer away from that in whatever way you can, but you did definately make the standard plot seem exciting.
MackieH: I personaly liked it. It isn't not very original though.

3. Think about conflict. Does the story have a natural conflict? Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?
The conflict is good and there is definately some suspense. However, the way it ended(resolution)was somewhat expected. Try to mix it up a little bit.
MackieH: The conflict is good and there is suspence like wondering if they are ever going to meet again. I think that you could have made it that they went on for years without talking to each other and he goes to her house once a month but she is never there but than finally they meet at the market and get married, something like that you don't have to use it, it's just a suggestion.

4. Think of characterization—are the characters realistic? Individual? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?
The characters are definately realistic and there is certainly voice there. I really felt that I knew the characters.
MackieH: I have never heard of those names before they were pretty cool.

5. Think of word choice, imagery, and details. Do they help you see and hear and experience the story? Do any word choices need changing?
Some of the word choice and imagery was good, but there was a bit lacking. For example, I felt that I should have heard more about how you were feeling when your father said "you're not my son anymore."
MackieH: It made me feel like iwas there. But it did need a little more of your tone.

6. On the level of "culture"--what do you think this writer is trying to reveal about the culture he/she lives in? Summarize what this story tells/shows about its culture in a sentence or two.
I think the story teller is revealing the stress that is on the family name with the story. It is similar to the stress that our parents put on us here in US but I got a definate sense of culture.
MackieH: I think that it shows how important people are to one another and how much the family name is worth. I think that people are very important to one another here but the family name really dosen't matter any more. To some people at least. The only culture I saw was with the family name.

7. Does this revelation of culture possess much insight or show you something unique? Do you get a picture of cultural practices? Of gender roles, love relationships, family roles, habits, religious practices, beliefs, food, social expectations, etc.? Should anything be thrown out? Added?
I do not really get a picture of the culture or cultural practices. This could be because the cultural thing that he showed is so similar to what we experience. Maybe the story teller should throw in another cultural element.
MackieH: I don"t really see the culture in it.

8. What areas of the story need the most improvement?
When you said the "women I love". It should have been the "woman" I love.
MackieH: I agree with them but other than that it is pretty good.

9. Summarize the theme of the story in a sentence or two. Don't just summarize the story, or say what its topic is--that's not theme. "Theme" is what the story reveals about the topic. So put your theme statement in this sort of pattern: "This story reveals that (topic) is (message about the topic)." Do your best here. You'll show the writer what his/her story DOES say, as opposed to what the writer WANTS it to say.
The theme of the story to me is quite simple, but very important. It shows that you should follow your heart and do what you want; things will turn out well enough.
MackieH: I think that theme is to go with your gut and don't let anyone get in your way. Sooner or later things will turn out right. ( PS: I know my story is a little out there but I wrote that when i was three or four, you got to admit it is pretty good for me to be that young. LOL)

external image bTLin.gif
external image bold.gif
external image italic.gif
external image underline.gif
Heading 1Heading 2Heading 3NormalCode
external image blackdot.gif
external image numbered_list.gif
external image list.gif
external image hr.gif
external image blackdot.gif
external image hyperlink.gif
external image unlink.gif
external image blackdot.gif
external image image.gif
external image embed.gif
external image insert_table.gif
external image special_char.gif
external image code.gif
external image bTRin.gif
external image float_toolbar.gif or Cancel
external image c.gif

Optional: a note about this edit for the page history log

Optional: tags for this page, separated by commas

or Cancel
Note that the content you create on https://burell9english.wikispaces.com is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial 2.5 License. Please only submit content that you write yourself or that is in the public domain. Learn more about our open content policy.
Double click an image or file to insert it into the page.
Show: All Images Only Files Only

Upload New File external image c.gif

External Image URL

Load an external image, then double click the image to insert it into the page.

Other users editing this page

  • None

Changes since you started editing

Format: Plain Text ActionscriptAdaApache configuration fileApplescriptx86 AssemblerActive Server PagesAutoIt Window automation scriptBourne Again ShellBlitz BasicBNF: Backus-Naur formCContext-Free Design GrammarColdfusionC++C#Cascading Style SheetsDelphi Object PascalDiffDivDOSD programming languageEiffelFree BasicFortranGame Maker LanguageGroovyHTMLUno IDLINJInno Script Object PascalIOJavaJava, version 5 syntaxJavascriptLaTeXLispMatlabmIRCMySQL SQLOracle SQLObjective CamlPascalPERLPHPPythonQBasicMicrosoft Registryrobots.txtRubySASSchemesdlbasicSmalltalkSmarty PHP template languageSQLTCLThinbasicTransact-SQLVisual BasicVisual Basic .NETVHSICADL, very high speed integrated circuit HDLVisual Fox ProWindows Batch ScriptingXML
Paste the code fragment into the text area

or https://burell9english.wikispaces.com/Peer+Responses+Templates#|Cancel Alignment: NoneLeftCenterRight
Link · Link Link