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  1. msg Test Post message posted Test Post This is a great way to teach flat Web collaboration.
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    This is a great way to teach flat Web collaboration.
    8:54 am

Thursday, April 28

  1. page Second Draft-LydiaK edited PEER RESPONSE-Caitlin I. -Hawaii 1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the a…
    PEER RESPONSE-Caitlin I. -Hawaii
    1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not?
    I would let her live.
    2. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?)
    I think that this story is very complete and has a good plot.
    3. Think about conflict. Does the story have a natural conflict? Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?
    Yes, there is a natural conflict, and that is that the family does not have enough money to put all the children through college.
    4. Think of characterization—are the characters realistic? Individual? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?
    Mainly, the characters that are described the most are the father, and Okhee. I think that more description of the characters, like physical appearances, would help the readers to imagine them better.
    5. Think of word choice, imagery, and details. Do they help you see and hear and experience the story? Do any word choices need changing?
    I think that you did a really good job of explaining everything thouroughly. Maybe you can use some more descriptions to draw the reader in. Try to describe colors, sounds, feelings.
    6. On the level of "culture"--what do you think this writer is trying to reveal about the culture he/she lives in? Summarize what this story tells/shows about its culture in a sentence or two.
    I think that the writer is trying to explain how education is very important in this Korean family.
    7. Does this revelation of culture possess much insight or show you something unique? Do you get a picture of cultural practices? Of gender roles, love relationships, family roles, habits, religious practices, beliefs, food, social expectations, etc.? Should anything be thrown out? Added?
    I do think that I get alot from this story. First, I see how the boys in Korea are normally given more privaleges than the girls, which is not fair at all. I learn that the father has a very important job of making the money in the household, and often is separated from his family because of it. This family is not very rich to begin with, and it is shown by describing Okhee sleeping in a room with her three sisters, where in America, most children get their own rooms. Basically, I learned alot, and these are only some of the things. Good Job!
    8. What areas of the story need the most improvement?
    Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe you could elaborate more on the "War" issue of the story. It kind of seems like you mention it at one point in the beginning, but I don't see too much of how it affects the family, or what the connection is. Also, maybe add some more commas, when there needs to be pauses, and watch your verb tenses with "can" and "could."
    9. Summarize the theme of the story in a sentence or two. Don't just summarize the story, or say what its topic is--that's not theme. "Theme" is what the story reveals about the topic. So put your theme statement in this sort of pattern: "This story reveals that (topic) is (message about the topic)." Do your best here. You'll show the writer what his/her story DOES say, as opposed to what the writer WANTS it to say.
    The story reveals that education is very important in Korea, or at least for this specific family. The life that Okhee had to live through when she was young, ended up affection her decisions when she was older, about schooling for her own children.
    You have a really great story, full of a ton of cultural elements. I enjoyed reading your story!
    Caitlin I.-Hawaii
    TrevorR's Response:
    Great story! I really could feel the taste of the taffy at the begining. (yummy!). It's got great culture into it, and I think that nothing has to be changed in the line of that. On the other hand, During the war, there is no explanation. I'm sure that something happened in that time, other than it just passing by... Maybe the sound of gun shots? Cannons? Ect.
    Also, I would like to know more about the family, and the kid that died in the gold factory. What were there names? Why did they become friends? Etc. How did the kid die?
    Lastly, is there a solution to all the conflicts going on? I see that in the end, Okhee figures that education is the most important thing, and all her kids go throught that, but... Do things get better in her life? Does she get richer?
    Thats pretty much it... GREAT JOB!
    1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not?
    Absolutely. The story has a deep and thoughtful meaning and you express that within the different events that happen. Although I think you could be a little more descriptive about the education and emphasize a little about why men were treated more importantly in Korean families. The story gives me insight about how the Korean culture was - although I already know about it since I'm Korean as well, but for those who don't they have a little picture of how the olden Korean families lived.
    2. Think of plot—is it original? (If an adaptation, is it creative or interesting to you?)
    This story is similar to many that I've heard dealing with cultures - pain, poverty, Etc, but it has it's own little twists and events that happen which makes the story more interesting and the reader willing to continue reading and learn more about what happens or other events that might occur.
    3. Think about conflict. Does the story have a natural conflict? Are there complications that add enough suspense, tension, or interest? Is there a climax that satisfies you? Is the resolution satisfying? What could be added or changed?
    I think you did the best with the conflict and the climax. It is obvious that the conflict has to deal with money and education and you give the reader examples to feel a little about the pain that the family had to go through with these problems. The climax of the story - I would guess - is when the father comes back from Japan but has an unfortunate fate with money and his family and not being able to give all his children proper education. Unlike the conflict and the climax the resolution is not too satisfying because it is very short and brief and only surfaces the importance of education that you give to the reader. You should add more depth of the importance and stretch it out a little bit. It doesn't have to be over the top, but you should highlight the education part and focus on it more because it seems that education is the reason for this story.
    4. Think of characterization—are the characters realistic? Individual? Do we get a good sense of character from many of these: description, dialogue, narrator's opinion, discussion from other characters, the character’s own actions?
    I think that Okhee should be described a little bit more maybe add some of her features and even put a little more dialogue to make the story more alive and pop out more. I'm glad that you focused mostly on Okhee though and didn't waste any time explaining the lives of the other children because that would've probably been awfully confusing.
    5. Think of word choice, imagery, and details. Do they help you see and hear and experience the story? Do any word choices need changing?
    Maybe describe how the sugar is melting, use metaphors, give more imagery to the readers - what do you really want them to taste? feel? see? hear? Use a little more of a variety of words - colors I would say. Bring more color to your writing. It's a very good story but needs a little more 'umph' in it.
    6. On the level of "culture"--what do you think this writer is trying to reveal about the culture he/she lives in? Summarize what this story tells/shows about its culture in a sentence or two.
    This story is summarzing the importance of education in Korean culture and how it helps every child to go on living in a safe environment with money and other neccessities. It also states the importance of men in the Korean culture and how they are respected and chosen to have everything or do everything first - in this case the son was the only child who got a full education due to the lack of money. There is a small message saying that the Korean culture is sexist because of their beliefs, but many cultures shared and some still share this same concept.
    7. Does this revelation of culture possess much insight or show you something unique? Do you get a picture of cultural practices? Of gender roles, love relationships, family roles, habits, religious practices, beliefs, food, social expectations, etc.? Should anything be thrown out? Added?
    I think the story is very descriptive in the areas of culture and gender roles therefore no additional information needs to be added.
    8. What areas of the story need the most improvement?
    Overall I think that you need to create a better visual of everything. What you have now is like a very nice sketch and all you need to do now is color in all the white spaces and complete the picture. Put more detail and as I said earlier metahpors maybe?
    9. Summarize the theme of the story in a sentence or two. Don't just summarize the story, or say what its topic is--that's not theme. "Theme" is what the story reveals about the topic. So put your theme statement in this sort of pattern: "This story reveals that (topic) is (message about the topic)." Do your best here. You'll show the writer what his/her story DOES say, as opposed to what the writer WANTS it to say.
    This story reveals that education is important in a Korean family and overall in a korean culture, but money is too. (I'm not quite sure if you're focusing more on one or the other, or if you're just trying to tie them together by saying 'you need money in order to get an education'.) The story looks at a Korean culture through the eyes of a Korean girl, which I think is more enjoyable to read because men had the easier way with things and aren't as emotional when it comes to expressing feelings. All of the things she witnessed and had been through - her dad crying over lost money and a friend's son's death, her brother getting a full education while she envied all that he had from afar, dealing with the war that had started between North and South Korea, Etc. At the end I can tell that she only wants the best for her children in the future - but what will she do? how is her future like?
    I would like to see a little more description in your already amazing story. It's a great story explaining the Korean culture!
    Sierra J.
    hi
    (view changes)
    11:46 pm
  2. page Second Draft-LydiaK edited Walking down the street she saw many people out selling things like noodles, dumplings, blankets, …
    Walking down the street she saw many people out selling things like noodles, dumplings, blankets, shoes, etc. But one thing had caught her eye; it was yut, Korean traditional taffy. It smells so delicious; you can actually smell the sugar melting. Not only were they selling yut, they were also selling traditional cookies. She reached into her pockets and found just enough money to buy only one of the delicates. It was a hard and I mean a very hard decision. She looked back and forth from the yut to the cookies trying to make up her mind. Finally coming to a decision of buying the yut she opened her mouth to tell the man but all that came out was a weird crow…a crow?! She slowly opened her eyes to see the ceiling of the room that her 3 younger sisters were sharing. It was disappointing that it was only a dream. Slowly getting up she opened her rice papered door to be greeted by the warm air of summer. Remembering that today was a very special day she quickly got some new clothes and a towel. Being careful not to step on her sisters she opened the door and ran out to where the river was. Taking a quick refreshing shower, she made her way back home. On the way home she looked up to see the sun slowly making its way up past the mountains and into the clear sky. It was the year of 1950, also the year that she had received letter of her father coming back home. Her father had spent many years in Japan, making money to support the family. He decided to come back home since there was enough money to set a new business in Korea. Her family was one of richest in the city that she lived in—Choong Chung Nam Do. When she arrived home she saw her older brother waking up and getting ready to head out to the riverside. On the way out he went to her room to wake up the two little sisters. Seeing her mother trying to carry a heavy log to the kitchen, she quickly put down her things and ran to her mother and helped carry the log. In the kitchen she can see that her mother had already washed the rice and cut up the vegetables for soup. She helped light the logs and set the rice on top of the fire. She was in charge of making sure the rice doesn’t burn, in order for the rice to cook she had to fan the fire, controlling the heat. While waiting for the rice and soup to cook she took a quick look around the kitchen. On her right, she can see the barrow that held the rice. On top of the barrows there was fish hanging from the ceiling (The fish were drying). When she turned her head to the left she can see outside of the kitchen and the amazing view of the mountains. There are many mountains in Korea, more mountains than flat land.
    “Okhee!” The sudden call from her mother had made her snap back to reality. “What are you doing? The rice is burning!” At this sound she quickly stopped fanning the fire and she noticed smoke coming out from the pot. Her mother quickly opened the pot to see that—fortunately—only the bottom was burnt making the top part edible. “Okhee, you better pay attention, I know that you’re excited about your father coming but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t concentrate on your work.” Mother said. “Yes umma, I’m sorry.” Seeing her brother and sisters coming back from the river she had gotten the table and started to place spoons and chopsticks on top of it. Her sisters had entered the kitchen and helped set the side dishes on the table. It wasn’t long until the table was all set and ready to be moved outside. It gets really hot in the summer so the family usually eats outside on the pyongsang—a wooden, flat bench outside—enjoying the summer sun. After they finished eating everyone helped clean and wash the table. Luckily it was still summer break so no one had to go to school but there was still the summer homework that had to be done. Being raised up with parents that had emphasized that important things such as homework was always first priority, everyone had returned to their rooms to finish up the homework. Since Okhee is only in elementary school her homework was just to write a diary every night and to draw some pictures that represent summer. She was just about to start drawing when she heard the creaking of the front door. Knowing who it might be she jump up and ran to the front door to find her father standing. “Appa!” Okhee said hugging her father. It wasn’t long until her brothers and sisters had soon joined in a big huge group hug. “Hoho, my little ones have been well? You seem to have grown a lot!” Father said with a hearty laugh. Okhee felt so glad that she can finally see her fathers face in such a long time.
    Father (appa) had gone into his room to unpack his things while mother (umma) had gone in to help him unpack. The sisters and Okhee went into the kitchen to start preparing dinner. Brother of course was in his room studying and working on his homework. It wasn’t long until everyone was sitting down at the dinner table looking at the stars and listening to appa tell stories about his experiences in Japan. Life was so good and Okhee hoped that it would always stay like this, having the family all together. That is until the next day had come.
    It was unusually dark in the morning with many dark clouds; Okhee had a bad feeling about this day. ‘I should watch out for bad luck today’ she said to herself as she helped her mother prepare food. She was just about to carry the food to the table when a man had barged in into the house looking for appa. “Mister, have you heard?” He said all in one breath, it seems as if he had ran all the way here. “Why whatever is the matter Mr. Jung?” Appa had replied with a worried face. “Th…The…The North had just barged into the South!” He screamed. “What do you mean?!” Appa asked with a frightened look.“I think that war had finally started.” He replied. Everyone was in complete silence. ‘No wonder I had a weird feeling, I knew something was wrong’ Okhee thought to herself. There were many talks about how the North was planning to invaded, and it finally did happen. “Don’t worry Mr. Jung, I promise you that this place would never be invaded. Where we are, are safe. Don’t you worry too much Mr. Jung.” Appa tried to calm him down. “Since you’re here why don’t you have a drink before you go?” Mr. Jung said nothing but sat down across from appa. Umma had made us eat inside of the room so that Appa and Mr. Jung can talk in private. And this was how the war had began.
    *~*~*~* 3 years passed
    It was now the year 1953 of June 25th, the year that everything was actually going pretty well. The war was finally over and just as appa had said the city was not harmed. Okhee was now 13 years old, which was old enough to take care of her younger siblings. Her daily routine of going to school and helping umma prepare food was always a constant cycle. Her appa had got a job at the gold refinery, which was to drive big trucks around to deliver the gold. It was actually a very special job since there wasn’t a lot of trucks or cars at that time. Okhee was pleased and proud of her father whenever he drove the truck. It wasn’t long until he had set another place a few miles away, it was a bus company. Like it was mentioned, there wasn’t a lot of automobiles so having at least one was really rich but having more than a dozen was richer. Seeing how the job was flowing well Appa had decided to sell one of the buses to get enough money for another business.
    What we all didn’t know was that, that little step was going to be the first of the downfall of the family money. Appa had came home crying late at night and it seems as if he had a bit to drink. Everyone was worried so we asked appa what had happened. Appa had looked at us with sad eyes and began his tale. “you see, I was on the way back from selling the bus. I had sold for so much money that I was so eager to come back home so I decided to take the quick way and ride the bus home.” He said, “I was carrying the money in a bundle of cloth hoping that no one would notice.” By this time he was already crying. Back in the day there were no banks so people had to carry money, which made it easy for robbers to steal the money. “This..This thief had came up to me and snatched the bundle away, taking….” Before he could even finish, he was already sobbing. Everyone had a moment of silence until umma had told all of us to go into our rooms while she calmed appa down. Everything was a shock to Okhee, father was a good man. It was getting her mad to think about how a good man can go through such a thing.
    ~*~*~*~*~*~* Few Weeks later
    Everyone was still trying to recover from the loss. Because there was one buss short, it made less income then they used to have making it harder for the girls to go to school. Of course since the son was the first, he should have the advantage of learning more.
    That night appa had once again come into the house drunk and sobbing. We had all gathered around preparing ourselves for whatever might come out next. It was soon found out that while appa was working in the gold factory a kid had died. But the reason the kid had died was because he was hanging onto the truck appa was driving and fell down from it. The worst part was that, that kid was the son of one of appa’s best friend. Appa had paid for the medical bills but it was no use, the son had died. Once again there was a moment of silence for everyone to revive from the shock. Appa said that he had given them a lot of money, more than enough for the loss of the son. It was their only son making it terribly sad for the parents.
    Soon the money had gotten lower and lower and as years passed by and Okhee was graduating high school she was not able to go to college. It was a tragic thing for her to go through. She loved studying and had heard that she was smart from many of the adults but having to miss the chance of college was the worst thing that can happen. Her brother was attending a college in Seoul, which was hard to go and she wanted to try and see if her skills can allow her to go too. But sadly there wasn’t enough money for Okhee or her siblings to go to school.
    As time went by and by the time that she was a mother, the pain was still in her heart, the sadness of not finishing school. From then on Okhee never thought that a son would be more important than daughters. She made a strict rule in her house about education and how they would regret bring their best. Because she knew what they would go through and how much regret there would be if they were not to finish school properly.
    The End.

    PEER RESPONSE-Caitlin I. -Hawaii
    1. On the level of story-telling: if you were the King (or the aliens), would you allow this story-teller to live another day? If no,why not?
    (view changes)
    11:36 pm

Tuesday, December 1

Tuesday, August 11

Tuesday, February 24

  1. msg Collaboration message posted Collaboration How do I get my students started? I would like to start the stories in the beginning of May, and b…
    Collaboration
    How do I get my students started? I would like to start the stories in the beginning of May, and be done by the end - would that work for anyone? What other timeframes are people thinking of?
    1:14 pm

Friday, January 9

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